Being a Russian-American for Ukraine

As a Russian-American, my feelings about the current war used to be more emotionally complex than they are today. While I've always been 100% supportive of Ukraine and I've become a lot more involved in fundraising and humanitarian efforts since Russia's invasion in 2022, I used to harbor a lot of shame and almost a feeling of responsibility for the violence and subjugation of the Ukrainian people due to being of Russian birth.

Where does this come from?

I've never aligned with the politics in Russia nor was I raised in the same culture which perpetuates ideas of Ukraine being a "little Russia," laying claim to their land and wiping out their customs, language, arts, and cultures. I was simply created there. I come from a very small village, now populated just by babushkas and train enthusiasts, and my genetic heritage reveals my Slavic-Norse background. I've never voted for Putin, I've never been a Russian nationalist, and I don't yearn for the old days of the USSR.

I shouldn't harbor any guilt, but I think ultimately, my feelings stem from two factors: expectations and traditional values.

Growing up in America, especially living in such a connected and politically heavy area such as Washington D.C., has proved to me that people have always had very strong views about Russians. Over the years, whenever I have revealed my heritage or spoken about my interest in Russian fairytales, art, and food- people ask me, "So, you like Putin?"

"No. I don't align with Russia politically."

Despite me saying this over and over again, folks sometimes still push back on my statements, often giving me a piece of their mind about Russia's actions as if I'm the one that can do something about changing it.

Me? Yeah right.

You think that me, a 5'4" bisexual artist with chronic illness who just goes to the library and on walks to see flowers is going to topple the regime and create a new westernized Mother Russia? I'm literally just from there. I don't like what Russia is doing or stand for how they treat the rest of the world or their own people.

Another expectation I've noticed when I share my background is that people think I have an accent still. This gives me a chuckle and I have to let them down by telling them that actually I do have an accent but it's not Russian. I'm American with a little drawl that comes out when I stop masking my speech or get excited or irritated.

Several years ago, my ex-husband had gotten a job as a government contractor, and he was even interviewed extensively about me due to being from Russia. I had a good laugh about that too, imagining myself as the worst Russian spy known to man since I barely know the language other than swear words I've pulled from lesbian rap songs and basic greetings.

That being said, connecting with traditional Russian culture and heritage though is important to me on some level. Now, can that be done without the political side? That's the tricky part. I think this is a yes and no answer. Cooking, baking, creating art, crafting, listening to music, learning dances and language- these are all ways to engage with traditional culture and keep it alive. I'm more private about this, but spirituality and certain personal morals are also involved. Surrounding oneself with objects and artifacts like Khokhloma or wearing Kukarka lace are also ways to stay close to traditional culture. But if I am to be honest about Russian culture, it can be muddled where appropriation happens versus original expression.

Due to the Soviet Union, and before that, Russia's ruling powers, Russia enforced their oppresion over many parts of Eastern Europe. The result of this is that a lot of artistic elements from elsewhere were adopted or morphed into their national cultural identity. Sometimes Russia also says that they have a part in a craft when they do not. For example, Ukraine and Russia both have very beautiful traditions of embroidery and headdress. However, when you look at a Ukrainian vyshyvanka versus a Russian kosovorotka, you can see stark differences. Or how about a Ukrainian vinok versus a Russian kokoshnik? The beauty of these wearable art pieces is astounding but it's important to draw clear distinctions between them and remember that even if elements of Ukrainian styles may have similarities to Russian styles, they are distinct!

So, how did I remedy my conflicting feelings about being a Russian-American who is for Ukraine?

Firstly, I've stopped blaming myself. I have no control or influence over what's going on.

Logically, I have nothing to do with Russia or their actions. Even if I have biological family that is either fighting for Russia or supporting Putin, I don't know them, nor would I ever support them in those decisions. It's something that still bothers me from time to time, wondering what bloodshed people in my bloodline might be contributing to, but it's not my responsibility to hold strangers accountable even if we are genetically related.

It's possible that they don't support the war either or are just living simple villager lives just trying to get through every day in difficult circumstances. I don't know the exact reasons why I was given away for adoption or what their lives are like so it's unnecessary and unhealthy for me to dwell on them possibly being war criminals when for all I know they could be farmers or working-class people struggling to make ends meet.

Secondly, getting more involved in Ukrainian support, staying informed about what's going on in the war, and elevating the services and voices that need to be heard has become a priority for me.

I've gotten to become more familiar with Ukrainian people and those who are descendants from that country and it has been such a gift. Their love for their culture, art, people, and their amazing sense of humor and resilience is spectacular, and I give them all of my respect. As someone who is engaging with her own Russian culture that I wasn't exposed to for most of my life, I can see how important it is to highlight and elevate Ukrainian people so that they don't lose their national identity through appropriation and genocide. There is nothing worse than being erased, and Russia has been doing their best to do that to Ukraine, not even just in this war but throughout centuries.

Lastly, and this might be a little mean, I've taken great joys in using Russia's product against them.

Me! I'm the product! The powers and privileges afforded to me in this lifetime being an international adoptee and American citizen are immense. I wouldn't have the life I do today if things had gone differently. I'm grateful for free speech, the opportunities I have, and the wonderful people I know.

I have been graced with gifts of creative arts and intellectual study and using that to support others. Lately, I've been crafting Dymkovo toys which originate from my birth region of Kirov to eventually sell to fundraise for Ukrainian humanitarian efforts. I've been using my voice and social media to spread the word about Ukraine and what they're enduring in the war. I've been dedicating my time to engage with friends and people on how to listen and support and learn what I can do to continue to provide more aid to Ukraine. These are things that I'm doing and trying to get even more involved in every day. If I can incorporate my love for the creative aspects of Russian traditional culture to combat them politically, then I absolutely will.

It's true, I'm no soldier. I'm no spy. I'm not a politician or a government influence. I'm an artist, a writer, and a nurturer. I live my life in a soft way, and I want to create safety and love and appreciation for those that are doing the heavy lifting, that are seeing their people and country decimated and working hard day and night to win back their freedom and comfort.

The Russian that I am is not the bloodthirsty, ignorant, Putin-obsessed nationalist. The Russian I am instead is the little lady in the forest with knowledge of healing and comfort food. She fills her home with artwork and good luck charms and worships the trees. She welcomes in her neighbors and pronounces their placenames and dishes the way they say them, not in the way Russia does. She compliments their traditional clothes and art and then presents her own in return as a way to bridge the gap between cultures instead of bulldozing over the other. She learns traditional folktales and stories familiar to both countries in hopes to one day help children forget their worries and fall asleep at night with dreams of magical birds and creatures. She provides respite and rest to the weary and a listening ear to those who have had their voices threatened to be snuffed out.

So yes, I am Russian-American, and I am standing with and fighting for Ukraine.

With Love,

Anastasia Sergeevna Razumova