My Journey to The Wild West

One month ago, I moved 2,800 miles across the country to the great Pacific Northwest.

Can you believe it!? The reality of it is only just beginning to set in for me.

With the help of my family and friends, I set off to Portland, Oregon to start my new life.

In a way, it felt familiar. I've lived in the neighborhood and even the house I just moved into for a month already during the summer of 2023. I've taken way too many long flights back and forth from Portland to Washington D.C. over the past year and a half (on which I've watched mostly the glorious shows, Jersey Shore and Catfish), and I did my first writing residency of graduate school in downtown PDX. But moving by myself, more or less, into a house that I can make into my home is something I've never quite experienced before. The previous times I've lived out of my parents' home, I was partnered up or in college. Now I'm a single girl with two male roommates and I'm pursuing my own path. That proverbial road feels very bumpy and knobby in an overgrown wood sort-of-way where you have to remember strange logs or big mushrooms to find your way back to some semblance of "the right direction," but it's the life hike I'm on.

I always remind myself that the future will never be as I pictured it, for good or for bad. Some things will turn out as I hoped, and other times it will not. But rarely, if ever, will it pan out exactly how I may have envisioned it. Since my arrival to the PNW, my household has unfortunately endured the losses of two dear pets. We've been dealing with all sorts of various stressors and emotional pain, and it has not been an easy transition. But it hasn't all been bad. We've had fun together playing games like "Is This A Hat" where we've discussed whether various objects can be worn as hats (this went so far to where I attempted to literally wear a lamp as a hat for educational purposes), we've picked blackberries from our garden in a rare Oregon thunderstorm, and we went swimming in the Columbia River Gorge among other memories I will always cherish. There are ups and downs as there always is.

I've decorated my room in a way that I've always dreamed of. A witchy artsy space full of Halloween decorations, art supplies, books, stuffed animals, and homemade crafts I've made over the years. I have my own cozy reading nook and a large window that lets in the afternoon light in a way in which the resident cats love to lounge under. My bed is soft and the shared living spaces are comfortable and welcoming and I have a marvelous yard space that I cannot wait to plan some gardening for! It is my own tiny corner of our beautiful Mother Earth and I am so grateful for that.

It is hard to thrive or improve in a location that is unsafe or filled with trauma.

Not only the former house I lived in, but the neighborhood, town, and region I left were filled with traumas I felt like I could never really get away from. As I've had time to adjust to my new situation, I've begun to do some of the processing of what I've gone through, and I don't know how I made it through everything, but I'm glad I did. I think I'd go through it all in order to get to where I am now. One cannot know what true peace feels like without chaotic turmoil in contrast.

Other than my dear friends and family on the East Coast, I'll miss the local nature out there most. The great big oak tree out my window, the smell of the swampy air, the massive evening summer thunderstorms, the lightning bugs, the ground bees, my mom's lush colorful garden, the way the stars glimmered in the intersection down the hill from my house, or how the evening sun gleamed down the lane in my neighborhood- I'll miss and hold those things close to me when I feel so far from the climate I grew up in. Virginia and Maryland are states in an underrated part of the world, and I'm so glad I had the experience to live there for nearly 27 years. I know I'll visit, and perhaps one day I'll move back. I don't know what the future holds but I can view my past in a different light now that I'm such a safe distance from it.

So what drew me to Portland, Oregon out of anywhere else in this wide country? Honestly, nearly everything.

My graduate program, the friends I have here, the close proximity to beautiful nature, the friendliness of the communities, the beautiful flowers and gardens, and the more tangible possibility of building a stable future.

The cost of living in the Washington D.C. area independently would not have been viable for me long-term and I couldn't imagine raising a family in a place where I had always felt so ostracized. In a hub of "opportunity," I always felt looked down upon. There's a difference in the DC area between the government/corporate world and the generalized local population. It's an odd blend of beautiful rich multiculturalism and the domineering coldness of disproportionate wealth.

While I don't know if I'll ever find myself in a serious relationship again or be blessed with motherhood, I know that as long as I have the freedom of deciding where I am in the world, I'll choose places that are accepting, loving, and supportive of my values and goals. Portland is a beautiful city of independent businesses, adorable homes, great parks, and delicious food. I feel compelled to do my part in raising up the communities here and I feel appreciated, not just tolerated.

It will take a bit more time for me to feel fully settled into my new life in Portland. I'm trying to get into a better schedule of my schoolwork and job alongside my volunteering assistance with the Ukrainian nonprofit, The Sunflower Coalition. But with every knitting-filled evening that passes, or every pot of soup I make in my little kitchen, I feel closer to building a foundation for myself that hopefully will support a brighter future full of love and serenity.

I dearly thank my friends, family, Gods and Goddesses, for making this move possible for me.

~Anastasia S. Razumova